Overwhelmed? Take 3

Alarms, meals, laundry, dishes, carpool, sport’s schedules… exercise. Some of my days feel full to the point of bursting. I can’t seem to keep up with it all and usually something gets dropped, not a big crime unless it’s a somebody Along the way, I occasionally will obsess over some small task in the midst of a terribly hectic day only to have the word” control freak” come to mind. It’s as if this one task of sweeping the garage or vacuuming the house will fix all the other stray ends. Silly I know.

Am I really a control-freak however, or just overwhelmed? No matter how you slice it, if you run a family of any size there are things that just have to get done. Basic needs… then there are other expectations too. Among other things, I DO NOT keep a spotless house, nor do I have wonderfully crafted meals spread on the table for my family every evening by 6:00pm. Oh, how I wish I did. I lived for years feeling so “less-than” because I just couldn’t seem to get it all together. Why are some tasks so insurmountable? Every article, every blog I’d read, commercial I’d watch, Christian message I’d hear would seem to tell me “You not up to par.” It didn’t matter if it was really stated… that’s what I heard.

Nearly 25 years married and I told my husband about this last night. He just looked at me and asked how I could’ve ever felt that way? “…Because… I’m not like so-and-so and I don’t do such-and-such the way they do, and it just isn’t ever going to change.” Ok, so this conversation was partly hormone-induced, but my sweet husband quickly let me know, just as God has let me know, that he loves me the way I am, and he didn’t really have a list of “to-dos” for me. Wondering exactly what he did care most about, and prompted by a speaker we’d just listened to, we decided to make a list of the top 3 ways we could bless each other. Meaning, if nothing else gets done in a day (at home), we decided which priorities were most important to us -or our “enough” for each other to feel good, content, loved. Only 3. I can do 3!

Now I can’t throw out all my other to-do lists regarding food, shelter and clothing for this family of ours. Even additional jobs (and children’s feelings) have their place, but to be the support that my husband really needs me to be I now have 3 main focuses to help him. A most amazing discovery was that the priorities he chose were things I can actually do!  A simple hug and words of encouragement every evening mean more to him than a hot meal by 6pm (Let it go woman!). I can, without guilt choose one of these over some of my other self-imposed stresses.

Every couple is different, of course and their priorities will be different too, but I encourage you to ask about your mate’s top 3 picks. Maybe there’s hope for success in the demanding life you lead. Maybe you can go to bed tonight with a real sense of accomplishment. I pray this is the stress reliever for you as it has been for me! Many Blessings- Anna

-This topic was inspired by Art and Lysa TerKeurst interviewed on Focus On The Family Radio 5/8/13 “Managing Your Emotions In Your Marriage”- available on FOTF website under podcasts.

Taste and See

“Taste and see that the LORD is good, Oh the joys of those who take refuge in Him!” Psalm 34:8

Who doesn’t love to taste something delicious or see something beautiful? I so appreciate that God uses these 2 senses to describe Himself. He understands us. Since He never exaggerates, He must taste completely amazing and be something beyond our wildest imaginings to see. I’m already overwhelmed that the “Lord of Heaven’s Armies” is willing to meet with me wherever I am, much less actually wants me to experience Him and ENJOY His presence.

In Luke 10:42, Jesus said about a woman at his dinner party, ”… only one thing is necessary, and Mary has chosen the GOOD part which shall not be taken away from her.” Wasn’t she simply sitting at His feet listening? When I read that I’m encouraged to go and sit with Him and wait to see what He’ll teach me today.

Sitting outside with my phone (Bible app.), pen and journal I begin by asking Him to show me something new, and He always does! When I say, “I want to taste something good, I want to see something beautiful,” He opens my eyes to a new treasure in His word -every time. It’s not “new” like no one’s ever seen it before, it’s just new to me.  A few years ago, a Bible teacher challenged me to try this, and it’s completely woken up my study time!

Jesus encouraged us to be “shamelessly persistent” (Luke 11:8-10) about whatever  we’re asking. I love that! Shamelessly. Persistent. He promises that whoever searches, finds, whoever asks, receives. You know… maybe not in the way we were expecting, but we will receive. And we can always rest assure that whatever we hound God about, He is forever up to our good.

I want MORE of Him… for me… for my family, so I will shamelessly be persistent in asking just that. To taste and to see that He is good and to know the joys He has to offer to those who take refuge in Him. “Thank You, Lord, that I can come, and ask, and receive something new everyday. You are a joy to my soul!” -Anna

My vegetable art- “celery”

 

 

Mentors

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity of meeting up with a dear old friend of some 33 years. We guessed it had been about half that time since we’d seen each other last. Reunions, it’s good for me to be reminded of where I’ve come from and how much I’ve changed.

When I first met Liz, I had only recently become a “believer,” I was the new kid to our small Baptist Christian school and the only Episcopalian! Everything was strange and interesting. Liz along with a core of 7th grade girls welcomed me and began to show me what it looked like to follow Jesus. Even though we were all so young, these people lived out what they believed. That impressed me. For the first time I saw that learning about God and obeying His word was doable… they even made it look cool. Where I came from, I had been the “good kid” who obeyed the rules (mostly), but these folks held a higher standard. They loved each other and that challenged me.

Most of my time (until my early twenties) was spent in the exacting world of Ballet. I was what you might call completely obsessed: body, mind and soul! This new world of God-loving people was really foreign to me and somewhat conflicting to the other. A constant struggle began in my heart. Would I allow God full control of both worlds? Without realizing it, these girls showed me it was possible. When I had the chance to share this fact yesterday, I saw Liz’s eyes well-up with tears. She had just been a young girl back then with her own hurts and struggles, yet God had strategically placed her in my path for just such a time as that. I had desperately needed a pattern to follow and she was just a few steps ahead.

God is so gentle that way. He gives us what we need as we need it. Never more than we can handle, but always with a bit of a challenge added. I have grown and changed and so has my friend. We have both suffered pain and celebrated great blessings. We are not who we were (thank goodness), but we are surely not all we will be either. God continues His work in us, bringing into our lives examples and new challenges. Sometimes making us the example to learn from… good or bad

Thank You, Lord, for the mentors in my life today (Alex, Amanda, Bobbi, Elizabeth, Kathryn, Kelly, Nancy, Marianne, my mom, sisters… all my in-laws). What a wealth of examples You’ve offered! Thank You that You never leave me to just figure it out alone.   You’ve given living, breathing patterns to glean from. Your mercy is unfailing- I love YourBody of Christ! Anna

 

Prayer

What if you had a deep sense that Jesus was sitting right across the table from you when you pray… or that He’s walking beside you while you talk to Him? This might be a silly question, but it’s had a profound impact on my prayer life. When I picture Him sitting there, looking at me eye to eye, it’s like talking to one of my friends. When a friend and I walk, we talk about whatever. I share and they share. Sometimes we’re just quiet, but usually it’s all about relating news of friends and family or something I’ve learned about, maybe a question I’m pondering. I have used this same easy back and forth conversation flow for my prayer life and it’s helped me a lot.

You may say, “Well, Jesus doesn’t talk back to me.” I beg to differ. I think He speaks a lot, it’s just that we don’t hear Him. The Bible’s pretty clear about God’s Holy Spirit residing inside the follower of Christ. He’s called the Counselor and Advisor to the believer. To me He’s like a radio station that I’m searching for; trying to tune in to it’s frequency. The more I zone in, the easier it becomes to hear what He’s saying.

I purpose to stay familiar with God’s word, so I’ll be able to tell if what I’m hearing is something He’d say. I ramble on, telling Jesus my thoughts and concerns, then Scripture will jump to my mind getting to the heart of the matter. I take those thoughts/moments very personally. Even songs that touch my heavy heart at just the right moment are messages to me. It’s like the Jesus Calling, devotional by Sarah Young. She writes as though Jesus were speaking directly to you and it’s all based  on God’s Word. Wherever I am or whatever I’m doing, all day long, it’s a continual conversation. More than talking to myself, I believe He is there “across the table,” listening and interacting.

And when I don’t have anything but emotion to offer? That same Holy Spirit intercedes for me with groanings too deep for words. He becomes the interpreter of my tears and sighs, unloading into God’s lap all the feelings I can’t express. Prayer is raw. Prayer is as honest as you can get. It grows and develops and becomes like a heart-beat… involuntary. Be warned however: your life will change when you realize… He’s actually speaking in return! Prayer’s the most insane privilege that gives ridiculous Hope! We can talk with God and He has something to say. -Anna

 

Sprouts

Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Here I have been praying daily for a harvest from all of the seeds Ben has sown at Insight. He has been so bold about his beliefs and faith, so purposeful with his time and efforts. He’s never seems hesitant even in a huge meeting, to say he’s a follower of Jesus. It’s an inspiration to me. I can just about write or talk to anyone about anything… one-on-one that is, but put me in front of a group and I become concerned about how my message is being received. I want to have feed-back and interaction. I love discussion!

With kids coming and going around here, I don’t always see the same ones in a row. Ben likes to mix it up, bringing a different set each time. Of course there are repeats and a few we’ve gotten to know fairly well. Some immediately catch my attention and dig into my heart, others grow on me Some are open for conversation, others aren’t. One kiddo comes through here and won’t always let me give him a hug. Ben says he tries to avoid parents completely. Now that he’s been here several times he’ll stop and talk a little, but if I come close, he’s out the door calling after, “Bye Momma Bean.” I keep trying.

One in particular that comes through here a lot, sat with me today as I was writing out notes from my Biblestudy. He feels like one of mine, so I talk with him about whatever I’m wrestling over. Today it was all about “free-will” and the often-times foolish choices Christians make. I told him it frustrates me that when a person decides to follow Christ, God doesn’t just take away the possibility of straying. I want Him to tie us up so close to Himself that we just won’t even think of doing any unpleasing thing again. He slowly nodded.

I can usually count on some honest feedback from this kiddo. Nothing came. I asked him, “When did you know that God loved you individually; cared about your feelings and had a specific plan for your life? Was it before the long dark road of drugs or during recovery?” He said, “Well, I was raised in church and I went to Sunday school, but it scared me mostly… I didn’t understand it.” I tried again, “Well, then when did you realize God was for you personally? That He made you just the way you are and called you to Himself?” He looked at me with crystal clear eyes, “…It wasn’t until I started coming here and hanging around your family.”

I could hardly speak -right here, right under our noses it had happened. God had answered my prayers and I didn’t even realize it. I only need to trust the One Who’s orchestrated all of “this” we’re living in. He is active, He is moving, He wastes nothing! And He’s known these kids and loved them far longer than I have.

…Go and sow! Your words won’t be wasted -Anna

25 Years Ago!

25 years ago this month, I met the love of my life, my soul-mate. My mother had told me since I was a little girl that “Mr. Wonderful” would show up one day… and so he did!

It was Easter in Jackson, Mississippi and for some strange reason the ballet company I danced with had dropped it’s weekend engagement -meaning we would not be boarding our bus yet again and traveling to some area of the United States to perform. We had just come off the road with a short turn-around and had prepared to leave, but schedules can change quickly with a touring company. Thus was my life as a dancer. I didn’t have time to make the 6 hour drive to Atlanta to see my parents so I decided to make the best of it in my little flower dress, and went to church alone.

It was a beautiful morning and I sang all the way there. My friend, the pastor’s daughter, met me coming in and waved me over to sit with her. What a joy, there weren’t many college-age kids in the congregation. She and her new husband invited me for lunch afterwards. Somewhere in the first few minutes of greetings and songs a guy had slipped into our pew, next to my friend. I nudged her and asked who he was. They obviously knew each other. Her face lit up as she began to tell me all about this long-time friend of her family’s who was now in Louisiana at college (Tulane).

Her low talking turned to whispers, then to notes as the sermon started. He sure was handsome and I was glad I’d curled my hair, but the more she gushed about all of this guy’s accomplishments and academic achievements the more intimidated I became. She wanted to set us up on a date. I panicked. I could see her match-making eyes dreaming of our future together. Instead, I suggested inviting him to lunch, feeling sure that as soon as he heard I was nothing more than a vagabond ballet dancer trouping all over the country, he’d politely eat and bow out. But then…

I shook his hand. I don’t remember him saying his name or who was standing around us. I just remember looking into those blue, blue eyes and feeling his warm hand incasing mine. I was in a daze after that. I could hardly breath, much less eat lunch or function for days… which turned into weeks. We learned about each other through cards and letters (pre-cell phone, “snail mail”). We had our first date 3 weeks later -as our schedules finally permitted. 4 days together in the same town and we were secretly engaged. A month after that we shocked everyone by announcing our engagement! 6 months later (most of which we spent apart) we were married.

Today he tells me he never had any doubts… that day after lunch  he drove to his grandpa’s house and told him, “I just met the girl I’m gonna marry.”

…Happily ever-after, Anna

Vegan, Vegetarian, Fruitarian… and so on.

These terms are becoming more and more familiar to me as I read on… and believe me there’s a lot to read! However, the definitions vary depending on who you’re talking to. It’s gotten a little confusing for me as far as what to adapt into my diet and what to respectfully put aside. Since my eye has remained healthy and I’ve shed the added weight, I’ve been playing around with recipes, calorie intake and deciding what are the best choices for me.

Some say eat tremendous amounts of everything raw, as in using NO heat… ever! For them it’s the only way to optimal health… and an empty bank account! Some eat mostly (80%) fruit being very careful to combine the right fruits together, never frozen, always fresh and no sweeteners (honey, agave etc). Others avoid animal products all together, but freely eat gluten and natural sweeteners. Then there are vegetarians who mix and match, this and that to different and various degrees, but swear by the “organic” label, anything else being poison.

Everyone seems to believe something different. Each article touts one aspect over another. But what’s right for me? And what’s practically “doable” to live alongside my large family?  All this investigating/reading began as I hunted up recipes. Most of which have been pretty tasty. I think I just wanted to be something, you know, fit into a category. Maybe I’ll make up my own title that sounds a little more …unpredictable. I can’t seem to stick to anyone’s outlines. Over spring break I told my husband, my only aim was to do just one wrong thing at a time. Some information is so contradicting… I’m not even sure what’s “right” anymore.

I have noticed that eating differently from everyone else at the table makes them feel a little uncomfortable. I have also noticed that my plant-based (closest definition I can come up with) diet brings other folks guilt. Neither of which I want. So what’s a girl like me (with a limited budget, who wants to be a part of all her family’s activities) to do? I’m still working on that one. It may be easier just to be the cow on the mower Hanging in there- Anna