“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.”Proverbs 31:30
Believe me when I tell you, I have been as vain as they come. It’s a daily battle, though, now much much easier. I have come so far from where I was! When I say vanity- Im not talking about “wow, I look amazing.” I’m talking about obsessive self-awareness. It’s the “all I can concentrate on is how I look” syndrome… good-bad-or ugly. Image obsessions (like many other obsessions) are funny things, however, especially if your aim is to reach them. The truth is they don’t really ever deliver. It’s always an unattainable goal… totally illusive.
As your worst enemy, the silly rules keep changing. With each woman you see (photo or otherwise) the stakes get higher -in one area or another. There’s always someone out there looking better on any given day! You strive and you work and think, “maybe now…” only to cross paths with some(thing) better. And on the flip side… the ugly truth. The only way to feel better is to find someone behind you in your made-up race for perfection, compare yourself, and inwardly gloat.
For me it became all-encompassing; paralyzingly. Even at 14 it was all about bodyshape. If I could not get the triple piroette or land the coveted dance role, I at LEAST wanted to look the part! As I starved my way to a “better me” inside I raged and seethed with jealousy. Pretty, huh? This lasted long after I left the ballet barre and stage.
Old habits die hard, but thank God, He was willing to kill me other this one! Death to vanity seemed to be the theme of His lessons for years to come. And I am ecstatically joyful to say He HAS renewed my heart and mind in Christ Jesus just like He promised!
I am a transformed self-obsessive soul. I’ve trained (with God’s help!) my mind to turn… no, RUN to Him when any “old thought patterns” creep up. For me it’s life or death. I will not be ruled by jealousy and empty conceit. “There is grace for me, there is grace for her.” Something I say to myself often. And, “Lord, be my rear-guard”... when I’m feeling particularly vulnerable.
I’ve tasted freedom and it is delicious!!! There is more to come and I aim to enjoy that as well.