Touched

       The testimony of Laura Story in this video clip is so real and personal. I really loved it! She wrote the song “Blessings” about her faith struggles over her husband’s illness. She also wrote another of my favorite songs, “Indescribable”. I hope will you check this out and be blessed.
      I was amazed last week to find myself, not IN “the pit of despair”, but certainly dangling my feet over the edge. Whether it was a severe case of hormones or just a case of feeling sorry for myself, I sunk lower as the week went on.
     Because of David’s illness last year, especially with his time away from work, we carry around some heavy financial burdens that we just can’t seem to get out from under. It reminds me of the commercial where the people pull their “nest-egg” around with them everywhere they go; protecting it so it can grow. Ours seems more like a rotten egg, we can’t wait to get away from! We plan, we pray, we hope, we dream and still we are behind the eight-ball so to speak.
      God is using this time of seeming despair to grow us still further…. I just don’t like it. Daily He offers me hope in verses and songs, but last week it wasn’t getting through. My ears and heart felt dull. My Father Who owns cattle on a 1000 hills COULD take care of this in a heartbeat, and yet, He chooses to wait. We are not hungry or naked or without shelter. Somehow bit by bit, this and that is taken care of, but just like when we would pray for healing for David in the hospital, I want him to swoop in and clear the slate!
     I’ve felt like I am living  with constant stress and strain. My resentment, though underlying was unmistakably there. Who was my resentment toward? Who else holds all the power? I’ve talked a lot about it with God, yet every time I’d pass that growing stack of bills on the kitchen counter I’d feel a lump in my throat. Our pastor did a series of talks on this very topic and showed a testimonial of a couple going through some similar distressing circumstances. They are STILL waiting on God too.
      So what if He chooses not to answer our prayers of a miraculous financial recovery? What if we go back into surgery with a growing rotten egg following us? Will I let resentment take weed in my heart? How audacious of me! Who do I think I am?? Thank the Lord, the cycle was broken when I was finally CUT to the quick one day and literally got down on the ground and repented. O the release! And the renewal of JOY!
“Thank you Jesus, that I am unfairly treated to Your unfailing love. You remember I am dust and even though my faith is not like Job’s who never blamed You, You don’t leave me in my miserable state. I don’t understand Your thinking, but that’s why I serve You… because You always know BEST! Have Your way.” -A
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