A restored relationship is one of the most wonderful rewards that follows a prodigal’s return. It’s a fresh start with new eyes and open hearts. Sweetness… and yet there remains a pain to be surrendered daily. A pain of past betrayal and unexplainable behavior. Grief over just how the enemy can twist a person and those around them into such excruciating contortions.
Our family is now constantly face to face with recovering prodigals. We have them daily in our home and watch as they search for their new identity and place with family. We see them struggle between joy at being reunited and grief over all the chaos they’ve brought; of God’s amazing mercy in their life and the heavy consequences they’ll carry forever. I feel it with them… but as a parent. It must be some of what God feels for us: sadness that we rebel and suffer what comes, but joy in offering us total grace and acceptance.
God is dealing with me too. Helping me sort out my feelings and deal with the inevitable guilt that tries to creep in. Some time back, I wrote a poem about it:
My soul wounded, Shot thru the heart. The question remains when did this start?Our purpose was clear. Assurance we felt, Yet outcomes we dreamed of have NOT been dealt.How did it happen? How can it be?A foundation laid is no guarantee?I feel I’ve been dooped, I’m hurt through and through. It works out for some, but not for a few?Where’d we go wrong? What didn’t we do? Oh God, can’t my efforts be blessed by You Too?Our beginning was grand! Our focus so sure, Then somewhere along courses veered from the pure.Dear God of the heart, dear Lord of the soul, somehow heal us… and please make us whole.Because of Your mercy, turn now your face, in spite of our weaknesses pour out Your grace. Anna 2012
I still have a ways to go in my own recovery. I’m learning to enjoy the now and leave the past to Him. I’m learning to love each of my children for who God created them to be, and see God’s unique design for each child that journeys through our house. “Do not lean on your own understanding” screams in my head as I continually say,”…Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced.” Romans 10:11
Unlike me, God is never stumped by a situation or dumbfounded as to a solution or even thwarted by any person’s mess. He’s got this… and me… and them… and the whole big messy world in His hands! -A