Ben spoke last night, telling his story for the first time to a room full of friends, relatives and parents of other prodigal children. He did a great job, and David and I were extremely proud of his willingness to be so vulnerable and open. He explained how he got involved with drugs and all that led him down the path to addiction.
I was once again amazed by how much He has learned in a year from his counselors and pears at Insight. We were also impressed that he spoke well over the 45mins they gave him and then took questions from the parents (this is one of our quiet children). Ben’s manner was heart-felt and thoughtful. I don’t believe there many dry eyes in the room.
The point of his story was that there is always Hope because God is ever calling to us. As Ben told one mom, whether a child is seeking after God right at this moment isn’t the issue, because God is always there seeking after that child. He told again and again about his own struggle with God, sometimes searching for Him in the Bible, feeling horribly guilty for the double life he led, and sometimes feeling angry thinking that God was punishing him by giving his dad cancer.
Such mixed- up muddled thinking. Such wrestling we didn’t realize was going on. I remember thinking back then that Ben had changed. He had seemed hard-hearted and unfeeling so I prayed for him to feel guilty. I prayed A LOT- walking around his room, kneeling by his bed, even laying face down on his floor. I asked God to somehow reach our lost child.
Last night I came away with a better understanding of Grace. When he shared his moment of realizing that he’d never become good enough for God… yet God loved and accepted him just as he was, I clearly saw Grace. Ben calls it his moment of surrender. All the trying and failing, all the insecurity,all the guilt of messing up, all the feelings of “I’m alone in this whole thing,”… these somehow grow smaller next to our great big God and His great big plans. -Anna
… the Lord said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2Corinthians 12:9