Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Here I have been praying daily for a harvest from all of the seeds Ben has sown at Insight. He has been so bold about his beliefs and faith, so purposeful with his time and efforts. He’s never seems hesitant even in a huge meeting, to say he’s a follower of Jesus. It’s an inspiration to me. I can just about write or talk to anyone about anything… one-on-one that is, but put me in front of a group and I become concerned about how my message is being received. I want to have feed-back and interaction. I love discussion!
With kids coming and going around here, I don’t always see the same ones in a row. Ben likes to mix it up, bringing a different set each time. Of course there are repeats and a few we’ve gotten to know fairly well. Some immediately catch my attention and dig into my heart, others grow on me 🙂 Some are open for conversation, others aren’t. One kiddo comes through here and won’t always let me give him a hug. Ben says he tries to avoid parents completely. Now that he’s been here several times he’ll stop and talk a little, but if I come close, he’s out the door calling after, “Bye Momma Bean.” I keep trying.
One in particular that comes through here a lot, sat with me today as I was writing out notes from my Biblestudy. He feels like one of mine, so I talk with him about whatever I’m wrestling over. Today it was all about “free-will” and the often-times foolish choices Christians make. I told him it frustrates me that when a person decides to follow Christ, God doesn’t just take away the possibility of straying. I want Him to tie us up so close to Himself that we just won’t even think of doing any unpleasing thing again. He slowly nodded.
I can usually count on some honest feedback from this kiddo. Nothing came. I asked him, “When did you know that God loved you individually; cared about your feelings and had a specific plan for your life? Was it before the long dark road of drugs or during recovery?” He said, “Well, I was raised in church and I went to Sunday school, but it scared me mostly… I didn’t understand it.” I tried again, “Well, then when did you realize God was for you personally? That He made you just the way you are and called you to Himself?” He looked at me with crystal clear eyes, “…It wasn’t until I started coming here and hanging around your family.”
I could hardly speak -right here, right under our noses it had happened. God had answered my prayers and I didn’t even realize it. I only need to trust the One Who’s orchestrated all of “this” we’re living in. He is active, He is moving, He wastes nothing! And He’s known these kids and loved them far longer than I have.
…Go and sow! Your words won’t be wasted –Anna