My mom has a pair of unique porcelain birds. She told me their rarity gives them their worth, as the mold to make them was purposely broken after only a few uses. Our value is similar. God’s creativity isn’t hindered by our lives outside the norm. It seems to be only enhanced by our one-of-a-kind-ness.
Twists and turns! That’s what life has been like for our family these past 3 years. Sometimes I would look at my husband with tears and tell him, “This is not at all what I expected.” School started today with a new fall semester and even though we are spanning 4 (soon to be 5) different schools: elementary, middle, high school, homeschool-correspondance and hopefully some college… different isn’t always bad.
Life used to seem pretty laid out back in our homeschooling days. I had it all planned. I was in control…. so it seemed. Then the twists and turns began that broke our mold: colon cancer, great financial loss, my parent’s illnesses and further care, addiction recovery for our son (along with a house full of his recovering friends), our daughter’s delay with college. None of which I counted on! But is it all just bad luck? And if not, what’s the gain?
I prayed for years that my family would be light in the darkness, like a city set on a hill; some kind of beacon of hope. Well, we became a beacon all right, but more of the “I sure hope that doesn’t happen to me” kind! The standing together through the train wreck is what I pray shines now. I want on-lookers to know of God’s faithfulness in the midst of chaos and that there’s definitely light at the end of long dark tunnels.
God loves messy tangly knots! He hasn’t seemed stumped that we aren’t fitting into the average pattern or following along other well worn paths. He doesn’t seem distressed that I’ve felt “off-course” and prayed to get “back on.” He has simply (and patiently) waited for me to catch up to His ideas of how this family should look and function.
It’s hard to let go, and I don’t mean letting go of hope. We can not lose hope! I mean letting go of the image I held in my mind of how things should play out; of what our track would be. His ways are and will be infinitely higher and wiser, if not incredibly unpredictable. Therefore I can not lean on my own understanding (ever) because I see now that my silly “molds” were far too small for Him or me! We have each become lights in darknesses I never even dreamed about. God certainly has this way of answering our prayers!
Rejoice in your life outside the norm!
Love your fellow, rare, mold-broken soul -Anna